I wrote to Alex my entire pregnancy. Sometimes I was traveling in an airport and dropped him a note. Sometimes I came back from a doctor’s appointment and told him how big he was, what he was doing, and shared a picture of his ultrasound. I loved being pregnant. I loved carrying life inside of me, and I hope one day I get to experience it again. The feeling of little flutters of movement still makes my heart so happy. I wanted and prayed for this little miracle for many years, and when it finally arrived, I was over the moon. I still remember the heartbeat I heard for the first time at 7 weeks pregnant, sitting in the infertility clinic where we had gone through IVF.
His heart beat…
I’ll never forget it. There was so much joy that day.
It’s been a little while since I’ve written to him…longer than I really care to admit. After he was born, the first few months of his life were a whirlwind, as any first-time Mom can understand. My husband and I were able to enjoy a blissful four months before reality crept in. Life can really knock us down and sometimes, just when we’re on the upswing, it tends to throw another blow our way.
I sent this quote to my baby boy at 23 weeks pregnant, and it seems relevant – yet again in my life.
“When an oyster is hit with trauma – a foreign body that invades the sheltered life it lives in its safe shell, it takes action. It builds upon that painful intrusion in its life, adding layer upon layer of iridescence, until it creates a pearl. An object valued for its depth of beauty, the pearl is the beautiful hope born out of the oyster’s pain. Just like the pearl, we can be inspired to take action in our own lives to create beauty and hope out of times that are traumatic and painful. We can create something strong that will be admired by all we let see it, for the depth of its many layers, and the beauty of its strength. Whether it is illness, loss, pain, or trauma, we can transform what life brings us and use it to move forward with wisdom and grace.” – Strength of Heart, by Judy Fredette