The holidays…the beautiful, chaotic, messy holidays.
I was in the middle of wrapping Christmas presents, my husband and I were breaking down boxes and putting things together for our son, and paper, tape, bows, and tags were scattered about the living room. I looked at the disaster in front of me and thought, “How did it get like this?”
We all know that trying to attain perfection is a battle we will never win, yet we somehow keep trying.
The tree is now put away. Christmas is over. And there is something subtly disappointing about the clean living room now.
That living room was filled with Christmas presents for a child we tried for years to conceive. There were so many Christmases where I would hang ornaments on the tree – ornaments that showed two people exploring life, loving and living. And there’s nothing wrong with that. But every year, I was sad that the tree didn’t hold an ornament for a child. We had our “first home” and “newly married” ornaments, but never the “baby’s first Christmas” ornament. I remember sitting in front of the tree year after year crying, praying to God and trying to be patient while hoping he would give us a baby. I remember the Christmas two years ago, right before we started IVF…how excited we were to be on this new adventure and that maybe, just maybe, by the next Christmas we would have a baby.
Now here it was, everything I had prayed and hoped and wished for, and all I thought about was the messy room and how quickly I could clean it up.
I’ve realized we apologize for it, too, don’t we? If a friend was to stop by at the second your house looked like a hurricane blew through it, you would apologize.
“I’m sorry, the house is a mess…I was just about to clean it up…” as you run around picking up pillows and towels and shoes, wishing you knew where to find the broom .
Or maybe they would call and say they are on the way over and you make up an excuse about how it’s not a good time, because you don’t want them to see what your house really looks like 90% of the time.
Why isn’t the messy home the home everyone wants? Where there is love and laughter and board game pieces strewn about from Friday pizza nights…where there is more time spent on adventures and family outings than sitting in front of the TV or iPad while we clean and do laundry and make sure it’s perfect? Where we don’t judge our friends or loved ones for a crazy, chaotic kitchen? Isn’t that kitchen where meals are made and families come together to share their days? Shouldn’t we be ok with people dropping by all the time unexpectedly, even if the bathroom is a disaster, because we know our friends will just wipe off the counters and re-stock our toilet paper and smile as they wave good-bye?
I mentioned this to my friend, Kim, and she gave me a fresh perspective.
She said “One day the mess will be gone. The kids will be grown. And there won’t be anyone there creating the messes anymore. Enjoy it now, for one day, you will miss it.”
I thought about what she said, and considered it. Will I really miss the mess one day?
Yes, because…
One day, there won’t be a Christmas where we watch the kids come down the stairs with their eyes sparking because Santa has been there.
One day, there won’t be baby smiles and giggles when we come home and kisses greeting us when we walk in.
One day, there won’t be a messy kitchen, full of little pieces of food stuck to the walls and thrown on the floors from our child who is learning how to eat.
One day, there won’t be the pitter patter of little feet upstairs as they walk to the bathtub for their nightly bath, throwing their clothes in the hall as they go.
One day, there won’t be toys everywhere, ankles twisted from stepping on too many legos, or the random toy that goes off in the middle of the night that wakes the whole house.
One day, we won’t be tired, but only because we won’t have a toddler who wakes in the middle of the night and wants us to comfort him.
One day, we won’t be able to pick up our baby after he falls to kiss his knee, because he will be too cool for that (or too heavy for us to pick him up, let’s be honest).
One day, we won’t be able to drop them off in front of the school…they’ll be asking us to park a few blocks away and scurrying out the door to meet up with their friends.
One day, we won’t be able to breathe in the amazing baby smells that make being a parent so wonderful, because he will be out of the house.
One day, we’ll look back and think…what a beautiful life that was.
Let’s stop apologizing for the messy house. And the next time you find yourself thinking – how did the house get like this?
Remember, one day, you will miss the mess.