Dear TYFH,
We need to break up. There, I said it.
I know you’re trying to hang on, because you constantly remind me of my vulnerability and weakness and I guess you want it that way. But we’re over. Frankly, I’m tired of you creeping your way into my perfectly happy day and making me feel like crap.
There’s a few things I need you to know, though, before we part ways.
I know you brought me some joy, but not much. You yanked me from this beautiful life I was living and thrust me into a dark, cold, frightening hell. I lost myself in you. I didn’t realize how bad you made me feel until recently, until I pulled myself from your uncomfortably tight embrace and began taking steps in a new direction.
I know that made you a little jealous, when I began to move away from you and start to gravitate towards those that lifted me up and supported me. I felt you try to tighten your grip on me even more then, keeping me from happiness. You knew you were losing me, so you tried even harder to come back around.
I’m in a new year now. I don’t need you stealing my joy. I don’t need your anxiety and pessimism in my life anymore. I don’t need you making me feel guilty and sorry for myself. I don’t need you causing sadness and pain and brokenness. This is a new year, and all of these things end today.
Instead of making me feel strong and brave, you broke me. It started out good, in the beginning, but then you completely crushed my soul. You left my heart broken, my world upside down, and my life in such a disaster that I wasn’t even sure how or if I’d be able to pick up the pieces and put anything back together. I’m not sure I’ve ever felt as alone or as scared as I did when I was with you.
I’m angry at you. But, it doesn’t serve me anymore. Nothing good comes from bringing up your memories and wondering what I could have done differently to change the outcome. We can’t go back to the past and reinvent the future.
I’m done with you causing me so much pain. I am feeling good again, and I don’t need you coming into my life now and messing it all up. Yes, we have memories together, and that will never change. But my time is better spent now focusing on the future and not bringing those distant memories into today to disrupt it.
I’m glad my life is where it is now. I appreciate and soak up every little thing because it’s been so long since I’ve felt this happy. I am so grateful for every step forward.
I forgive you. I needed to say that too. At first, I wasn’t sure I ever could. But there were lessons learned and I can see that now. There was beauty all around me, and I was able to open my eyes to it, especially when I came out of your fortress of despair.
I’m not letting you in anymore. I’ve let you in for the last year, but I’m putting the past behind me now, and you have to go.
Oh and…I’ve found someone else. He makes me feel good about myself and encourages me to be creative, to write, to inspire others, and to fight like crazy for my son. He’s smart, uplifting, is pushing me to pursue my dreams, and I’ve never felt more alive in my life than I do right now. You won’t ever meet him, and it’s better that way. His name is 2018.
So farewell TYFH. Stay far, far away. Please don’t bother me anymore. Stop reminding of the nightmare that was you.
We are done.
Sincerely,
No Longer Broken